Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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