somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
