yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
