Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
