I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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