Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
