I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize