I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
