if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize