Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
