When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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