remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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