i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
they need to just BURY HIM!
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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