I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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