i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
