Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
