this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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