Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
