I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
