dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
