I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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