Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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