I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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