Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
