i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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