yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
