I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
