wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
