he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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