her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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