So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My pussy is not your playground.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
