Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
