I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
