I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
