no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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