Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
