hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
