Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
