Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
