if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
