i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
