She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
