You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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