I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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