and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Also, beer. Big fan.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
