Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Pooping to opera.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
