How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
