No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize