Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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