I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
