I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
