I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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