are you still at the devil's house?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
