i would punch a child for taco bell
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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