you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
