Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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