Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
