Hey man sorry I got all grabby
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
