If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
