There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
