I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm at about main and main street
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
