Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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