worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
well you can't waste a boner
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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