its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It's just like the Real World with babies
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
