I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
