I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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