Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
